By this time, I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. It’s weird; I thought age would bring more certainty about not only my future but also myself in general. I’ve always wanted to work for the UN, but now I’m having doubts about its abilities and intentions. I do want to work in development and poverty, but the uneasiness that I sense from my parents can no longer be ignored. Although I love being an international studies major, what i have been taught for the past 4 years have shown me that there are so many failures associated with development projects from international communities and very few success projects that have helped people’s lives for the better. Many have perpetuated the unfortunate circumstances the poor are in.

I’m just utterly sick of the suffering and hatred that fill this world. Not just poverty, but racism, religious wars, child slavery. Even in this country, I see how ignorance and intolerance keep two people in love from marriage and having a family. I see friends fighting against others because their religions are different. I see people in this affluent, rich country suffering to provide for their children. I see veterans struggling to live, even after fighting for this country. I somehow feel responsible for the bad in the world & I feel extremely guilty for being privileged enough to live comfortably. 

Maybe it’s just my pessimism taking over. But I why can’t things turn out for the better instead of for the worse?

I find comfort, though, in knowing that no one knows me here. Freedom to express what Im really thinking. I really hope that I can continue to live without pursuing money as my goal, but just positively affecting other people’s lives.
Keep calm & carry on, I guess.